Stephanie is his girl, I know I'm her
Akon sings "soul survivor"
Young Jeezy says "yeeeeaaah"
They're singn bout they're lives
I'm feelin it what they're sayn
My mans a rider, he's on these streets too
A badass mutha, surviv'n, struggl'n
U don't wanna fuck with his, don't be that sucka
I always make sure to give him that lov'n
Cuz we never know when the law be comm'n
Everyone knows, for him I ride
Any other female say he with them, they lied
........sus hijos sus calles y mi...(his kids his streets and me)
My man loves this woman, this lady is his everything
So don't tell him he gotta choose
Don't wanna be that fool
Every way I can say "I love you" I do
Cuz when he do the time I do it too
(Dear bob id like to add a part of akon & young jeezy's
"Soul survivor"'s chorus part but change "me" to "him"
And "I'll" to "he'll" and add "B's a rider" but I don't
Have any way to do that becuz even tho they can
Hear us echoing in the world its not a way to get
Permission to borrow parts of the song and I'm
Poor so I can't actually pay to borrow either, but I'm
Sure if you close your eyes you can imagine it k)
And Akon the cool thing is "once in awhile" is the
Inspiration the beat I don't know, but it brought
This unfinished song into me for my bob thank
You for saying everything he tries to say to me
In your songs ............love u my friend I've never
....................................met, threw these few years
....................................you helped more than u
....................................know.....bless you
Young Jeezy, I've been happy being strong with
Your songs the past few years threw my struggles
So happy to hear "yeeeeaah" your stories tell
Soooo much of my bob's and his boys it makes
Me feel like I know u and I never once knew
Your name all this time til 3 weeks ago when
I downloaded pandora radio on my phone on
My lil wayne radio a name and face suddenly
Was there with your voice. Thank you thank you
Thank you.................always a friend
...................................joan stephanie cruea
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THE TRUTH, MY WORDS
First some parts I did write to certain people, stone phillips, gang unit,
Major crime unit, steven king, standard examiner, fox13 television......
What happened really happen here it is it really happened I talk about
It becuz the bitches don't want me to and nomatter what or how they
Try to control me I'm saying what I'm gonna say I ain't looking for pity
Or comments or stars I don't even care how many hits my shit gets
The bitches oh there's a lot of them, they wanted to do as much torture
And unbelievable things all at once why u say? So that noone would ever
Believe me, they said "like all that shit could really happen to one person"
They say it everytime I talk about it. I call them bitches stupid dummies etc
They pretend to be me doing fucked up stuff once my sister went to
Welfare (workforce services) she yelled making a huge scene "my name
Is joan stephanie cruea I demand u cancel my foodstamps!" I go to the
Store and guess what? .......
I hear voices, but not the scitzo kind alright, its all them damn bitches
,but also some of u kind people, I'm split inside myself, I have. Many
Sides thanx to my mom & people that actually knew they played games
With me for yrs without me knowing I was medically different, it makes sense
Now, december 2005 I was shot in the head (yes later I got xrays & ultrasounds
For the police department, proof sumthing did happen) unaware myself
For awhile unbelievable I know,THEY STAGED IT WORLD, THEY HAD IT ALL
STAGED they got me right where they wanted me, they poked me with
Those really thin (hair thin bout invisible to the eyes) snakes or whatever
Modern technology like exterminators use or other tech stuff I shouldn't
Just say poked it continues, but in dec 2005 it began the torture THE GAME
She said "what's that steph? " everywhere id look she wasn't there its like they
Put a camera behind my eyes to see what I see. While I watched blue collar
Comedy show on video she started repeating every word they'd say after
They'd say like an echo, 3 days straight 24 hrs, night day they chanted
"Fuck u stephanie fuck u bitch" and "fuck me in the asshole, fuck me in
The asshole" no sleep its all I could hear everywhere I went it echoed in
Grocery stores and power lines, they read a law book bout the privacy act
And used it as a manual on what they could do and the way they read it
They thought it meant what they legally can get away with it. Then they
Pretended to be demons in my head I guess I was suppose to think I was
Possessed & for another 3 days (well he kept tracked of how long he
Said something like 76 hours) I was poked with sumthing painful in my
Eyelids I closed my eyes they blew air up my nose to startle me, the
The apartment above different people move in but they r with the bitches
They all join in the game, everyone covering up for everyone else right
Who's going to believe me anyway my sister sai"you can't escape my wrath"
After awhile I couldn't tell if I was awake or dreaming then insane said
To me "its all real steph" and he saved me, becuz by that time I wanted
To just die so I tell everyone no matter what u see on his record, his jail
Time, prison time insane took the time help me before going to prison
In 2006 (sometimes helping me has landed them in jail, prison)
He could of looked away, but he didnt, he loves my bob enuf to love me
For bob because of insane neither me nor bob died. I remember his voice
Meijo's voice and some other kind people I started to call them (who, what
How and why) because everytime she said "who's that or what that" one of
Them would yell back "its none of your business who it is" ect
I called insane the eye in the sky he saw everything I didn't. My head injury
The bitches super glued the exit wound behind my left ear (I remember
Them telling me to stay still and pushing my head to the side) and they
Called a doctor to ask what would happen if someone swallowed a
Bullet (becuz one bulllet rickached and went down my nose cavity I
Had a sezuire infront of my son he's fifteen now, they told people I died
Even showed an obituary. They do things like break the law and then
Say it was me they filmed me being shot put it on this internet they
Stomped on my stomach (I was pregnant with triplets) they didn't want
Me to have the attention and she said about my bob "fuck that he don't
Get to be all happy about that shit" they used a brand new baby
Bottle brush, nail cuticle......a bbgun :( they continuisly break in my
Place (id move but I'm poor and they'd follow anyway) they mess with and
Hurt people that care about me, they stick something down the wall
It electrocutes me sumtimes whatever it is is left on and sends a surge
Threw my body when I'm in bed, they put ticks hundreds in my bed
They was horrible comming out my nose and ears (I was told they go
Where the heats at cuz their wood ticks) I have dead ones in jars as
Proof, I sleep with flea & tick collars the rubber grounds my bed.
These stupid dummies spend hours and hours doing crap to me
I always ask WHY? Becuz really there isn't anything all that amazing
I'm ordinary looking I've got severe pms (who wants to b me with that)
I just work go to the store and watch tv and recently I got this awesome
Internet phone I'm on now writing this I'm just not that exciting, I know
Sum want my reputation, my status yet, others want to ruin my
Reputaion (their all in this together, I know they don't make sense)
I'm leaving out graphic details the sexual torture and stuff I'm
Not wanting any young kids or persons to have to hear that horrible
Stuff
Okay here's another weird twist becuz these bitches threw everything
In okay the privacy act mentions sum gang stuff the baby stuff k well
The bitches turned into gang stuff so that nobody would think it was
Them right, so she blames my bob and his boys, then they imitated
Rivals shooting people to start wars a lot of young boys died got injured
They tagged the city with all kinds of crap. Its sad world what these
Bitches have done and do some did six months maybe even a year
But them ones the bitches got to do the dirty work for them too get
More time than the main bitches they've changed what they look
Like then everyone just goes along with it they just start calling them
By different names even my name.
I have to be patient let the law eventually work it out so I don't
Retaliate you know kids retaliation gets u more jail time then the
Original perpatrators of the crime against you or sumone u love
The law adds the reco act onto anything gang related and retaliation
Causes charges to be called aggravated (means planned out)
So kids don't walk that path so many have walked on there's kids
In utah (everywhere) 15 yrs old with life or death sentences becuz
Of retaliating
My older son once read somewhere " a wise man learns from anothers
Mistakes, a fool learns from his own" I wish he'd beleived it more now
You know the bitches did everything to keep me from finding work
They interfered with applications they'd go grab it after id drop them
Off they'd use bluetooth and intercept any calls I've had a job now
For 2 yrs in april 2010 thank god they gave me a chance its minumim
Wage its not yet 40hrs, but they gave me a chance I thank them &
Appreciate them every minute of everyday of my life.....so don't judge
Me for where I work becuz they believe me & believe in me.
People invade my privacy with modern technology
Okay one last thing world, my expired drivers license was stolen in
2006, (I got it again finally, I'm poor it took awhile) k people used
My name did somethings, got arrested or'd out, used my name, warrant
Went out I'm in a fight well I was refusing to fight, I finally call
The police asking for gang unit becuz the stupid dummie was tryn
To jump me out of a gang I'm not in(my bob's) and she's not even
In well I get arrested for failure to appear (2 felony counts: identity
Fraud) well I get put on suicide watch, first thing they say they are
Waiting (WAITING) to charge me for attempted suicide, repeat WAITING
I know crazy! Then a cop says she knows joan stephanie cruea and
Tells them I'm not her, so they hold me 12 and 1/2 days in suicide
Watch to break me into admitting that I'm not me, (yes this is
Where I tell stone phillips in letters) I remembered the non-emergancy
Police phone number so I called the police on the police, I was moved
Out of suicide watch after they figured out where I called from, yes
I got to use the phone cuz I was told I could make 2 calls or so
I'd like to thank the few officers that knew I'm not lying one snuck
Me an ibuprofrin for my headache, one snuck me sandwiches after
Another told me I couldn't have anymore sacked lunches ever I
Went beyond my limit, now world they really do give u messed
Up food on watch and I'm allergic to veggies (most) fruits. I needed
Food, and another would sneak me a extra milk THANK YOU
OFFICERS FOR YOUR KINDNESS (I know I actually thanked police)
Well I go to one court it gets dropped, but I never left suicide
Watch I end up infront of another judge (my luck I thought bcuz
Everyone is scared of this judge) (my sides were documented upon
Me meeting this judge) I have a real attorney this time and
He helps get the charges already on my name from the bitch
That I finally found out was in a different facilty using my name
(She used it six times, she says all fair and square) okay I tell
The judge "iwont take resposibility for what other people did
With my name" "I'll take responsibility for what I know I've done"
I MADE UP A NAME TO OBTAIN GAS AND ELECTRIC SERVICES
BCUZ MY LOW INCOME APTS REQUIRE YOU TURN THEM ON
WELL SINCE A COUSIN OR TWO RACKED MY BILL USING MY
NAME WHILE I LIVED SOMEWHERE I DIDN'T PAY FOR GAS MY
DUMBASS MADE UP ONE USING A FAMILIAR NAME K, WELL
MY SISTER AND MOM HAVE THIS KID WITH THE FAMILIAR
NAME CALL THE COMPANIES YELLING THEY GOT HIS
INFORMATION WRONG SO THEY CHANGE EVERYTHING TO
HIS THEY STEAL A BILL MAILED TO MY HOUSE TAKE IT
TO COURT AND WALLA HE IS NOW CONSIDERED MY VICTIM
(THEY TELL EVERYONE ITS SEXUAL STUFF ECT, TO MAKE
ME LOOK LIKE A PERVERT, MY SISTERS WRATH FOR PRESSING
CHARGES AGAINST HER IN 1994 FOR WHAT SHE DID TO
MY SON) I ALSO TURNED HER IN TO "TO CATCH A PREDATOR"
SO SHE AND MY MOM AND OTHER PEOPLE REALLY WENT
AFTER ME THEY SHOULDN'T DO THINGS TO BABIES TO
CHILDREN RIGHT GUESS WHAT WORLD I'D DO IT ALL AGAIN
TOO THEY ALSO HELPED THE PEOPLE THAT SHOT ME
THEY HELPED MAKE ME CRAZY THEY ARE COMPLETLY
INVOLVED IN EVERYTHING HAPPENING TO ME AND THAT
THE TRUTH BELIEVE IT OR NOT.....
ALSO I DON'T LOOK TO SEE IF THERE ARE COMMENTS AND
I NEVER LOOK TO SEE HOW MANY HITS MY STUFF GETS
AND EVEN IF ONLY ONE PERSON EVER READ IT AND I
NEVER KNEW IT, THE TRUTH IS TOLD AND I FEEL
BETTER JUST PUTTING IT ALL IN BLACK AND WHITE
THANK YOU WORLD .........STEPH
Major crime unit, steven king, standard examiner, fox13 television......
What happened really happen here it is it really happened I talk about
It becuz the bitches don't want me to and nomatter what or how they
Try to control me I'm saying what I'm gonna say I ain't looking for pity
Or comments or stars I don't even care how many hits my shit gets
The bitches oh there's a lot of them, they wanted to do as much torture
And unbelievable things all at once why u say? So that noone would ever
Believe me, they said "like all that shit could really happen to one person"
They say it everytime I talk about it. I call them bitches stupid dummies etc
They pretend to be me doing fucked up stuff once my sister went to
Welfare (workforce services) she yelled making a huge scene "my name
Is joan stephanie cruea I demand u cancel my foodstamps!" I go to the
Store and guess what? .......
I hear voices, but not the scitzo kind alright, its all them damn bitches
,but also some of u kind people, I'm split inside myself, I have. Many
Sides thanx to my mom & people that actually knew they played games
With me for yrs without me knowing I was medically different, it makes sense
Now, december 2005 I was shot in the head (yes later I got xrays & ultrasounds
For the police department, proof sumthing did happen) unaware myself
For awhile unbelievable I know,THEY STAGED IT WORLD, THEY HAD IT ALL
STAGED they got me right where they wanted me, they poked me with
Those really thin (hair thin bout invisible to the eyes) snakes or whatever
Modern technology like exterminators use or other tech stuff I shouldn't
Just say poked it continues, but in dec 2005 it began the torture THE GAME
She said "what's that steph? " everywhere id look she wasn't there its like they
Put a camera behind my eyes to see what I see. While I watched blue collar
Comedy show on video she started repeating every word they'd say after
They'd say like an echo, 3 days straight 24 hrs, night day they chanted
"Fuck u stephanie fuck u bitch" and "fuck me in the asshole, fuck me in
The asshole" no sleep its all I could hear everywhere I went it echoed in
Grocery stores and power lines, they read a law book bout the privacy act
And used it as a manual on what they could do and the way they read it
They thought it meant what they legally can get away with it. Then they
Pretended to be demons in my head I guess I was suppose to think I was
Possessed & for another 3 days (well he kept tracked of how long he
Said something like 76 hours) I was poked with sumthing painful in my
Eyelids I closed my eyes they blew air up my nose to startle me, the
The apartment above different people move in but they r with the bitches
They all join in the game, everyone covering up for everyone else right
Who's going to believe me anyway my sister sai"you can't escape my wrath"
After awhile I couldn't tell if I was awake or dreaming then insane said
To me "its all real steph" and he saved me, becuz by that time I wanted
To just die so I tell everyone no matter what u see on his record, his jail
Time, prison time insane took the time help me before going to prison
In 2006 (sometimes helping me has landed them in jail, prison)
He could of looked away, but he didnt, he loves my bob enuf to love me
For bob because of insane neither me nor bob died. I remember his voice
Meijo's voice and some other kind people I started to call them (who, what
How and why) because everytime she said "who's that or what that" one of
Them would yell back "its none of your business who it is" ect
I called insane the eye in the sky he saw everything I didn't. My head injury
The bitches super glued the exit wound behind my left ear (I remember
Them telling me to stay still and pushing my head to the side) and they
Called a doctor to ask what would happen if someone swallowed a
Bullet (becuz one bulllet rickached and went down my nose cavity I
Had a sezuire infront of my son he's fifteen now, they told people I died
Even showed an obituary. They do things like break the law and then
Say it was me they filmed me being shot put it on this internet they
Stomped on my stomach (I was pregnant with triplets) they didn't want
Me to have the attention and she said about my bob "fuck that he don't
Get to be all happy about that shit" they used a brand new baby
Bottle brush, nail cuticle......a bbgun :( they continuisly break in my
Place (id move but I'm poor and they'd follow anyway) they mess with and
Hurt people that care about me, they stick something down the wall
It electrocutes me sumtimes whatever it is is left on and sends a surge
Threw my body when I'm in bed, they put ticks hundreds in my bed
They was horrible comming out my nose and ears (I was told they go
Where the heats at cuz their wood ticks) I have dead ones in jars as
Proof, I sleep with flea & tick collars the rubber grounds my bed.
These stupid dummies spend hours and hours doing crap to me
I always ask WHY? Becuz really there isn't anything all that amazing
I'm ordinary looking I've got severe pms (who wants to b me with that)
I just work go to the store and watch tv and recently I got this awesome
Internet phone I'm on now writing this I'm just not that exciting, I know
Sum want my reputation, my status yet, others want to ruin my
Reputaion (their all in this together, I know they don't make sense)
I'm leaving out graphic details the sexual torture and stuff I'm
Not wanting any young kids or persons to have to hear that horrible
Stuff
Okay here's another weird twist becuz these bitches threw everything
In okay the privacy act mentions sum gang stuff the baby stuff k well
The bitches turned into gang stuff so that nobody would think it was
Them right, so she blames my bob and his boys, then they imitated
Rivals shooting people to start wars a lot of young boys died got injured
They tagged the city with all kinds of crap. Its sad world what these
Bitches have done and do some did six months maybe even a year
But them ones the bitches got to do the dirty work for them too get
More time than the main bitches they've changed what they look
Like then everyone just goes along with it they just start calling them
By different names even my name.
I have to be patient let the law eventually work it out so I don't
Retaliate you know kids retaliation gets u more jail time then the
Original perpatrators of the crime against you or sumone u love
The law adds the reco act onto anything gang related and retaliation
Causes charges to be called aggravated (means planned out)
So kids don't walk that path so many have walked on there's kids
In utah (everywhere) 15 yrs old with life or death sentences becuz
Of retaliating
My older son once read somewhere " a wise man learns from anothers
Mistakes, a fool learns from his own" I wish he'd beleived it more now
You know the bitches did everything to keep me from finding work
They interfered with applications they'd go grab it after id drop them
Off they'd use bluetooth and intercept any calls I've had a job now
For 2 yrs in april 2010 thank god they gave me a chance its minumim
Wage its not yet 40hrs, but they gave me a chance I thank them &
Appreciate them every minute of everyday of my life.....so don't judge
Me for where I work becuz they believe me & believe in me.
People invade my privacy with modern technology
Okay one last thing world, my expired drivers license was stolen in
2006, (I got it again finally, I'm poor it took awhile) k people used
My name did somethings, got arrested or'd out, used my name, warrant
Went out I'm in a fight well I was refusing to fight, I finally call
The police asking for gang unit becuz the stupid dummie was tryn
To jump me out of a gang I'm not in(my bob's) and she's not even
In well I get arrested for failure to appear (2 felony counts: identity
Fraud) well I get put on suicide watch, first thing they say they are
Waiting (WAITING) to charge me for attempted suicide, repeat WAITING
I know crazy! Then a cop says she knows joan stephanie cruea and
Tells them I'm not her, so they hold me 12 and 1/2 days in suicide
Watch to break me into admitting that I'm not me, (yes this is
Where I tell stone phillips in letters) I remembered the non-emergancy
Police phone number so I called the police on the police, I was moved
Out of suicide watch after they figured out where I called from, yes
I got to use the phone cuz I was told I could make 2 calls or so
I'd like to thank the few officers that knew I'm not lying one snuck
Me an ibuprofrin for my headache, one snuck me sandwiches after
Another told me I couldn't have anymore sacked lunches ever I
Went beyond my limit, now world they really do give u messed
Up food on watch and I'm allergic to veggies (most) fruits. I needed
Food, and another would sneak me a extra milk THANK YOU
OFFICERS FOR YOUR KINDNESS (I know I actually thanked police)
Well I go to one court it gets dropped, but I never left suicide
Watch I end up infront of another judge (my luck I thought bcuz
Everyone is scared of this judge) (my sides were documented upon
Me meeting this judge) I have a real attorney this time and
He helps get the charges already on my name from the bitch
That I finally found out was in a different facilty using my name
(She used it six times, she says all fair and square) okay I tell
The judge "iwont take resposibility for what other people did
With my name" "I'll take responsibility for what I know I've done"
I MADE UP A NAME TO OBTAIN GAS AND ELECTRIC SERVICES
BCUZ MY LOW INCOME APTS REQUIRE YOU TURN THEM ON
WELL SINCE A COUSIN OR TWO RACKED MY BILL USING MY
NAME WHILE I LIVED SOMEWHERE I DIDN'T PAY FOR GAS MY
DUMBASS MADE UP ONE USING A FAMILIAR NAME K, WELL
MY SISTER AND MOM HAVE THIS KID WITH THE FAMILIAR
NAME CALL THE COMPANIES YELLING THEY GOT HIS
INFORMATION WRONG SO THEY CHANGE EVERYTHING TO
HIS THEY STEAL A BILL MAILED TO MY HOUSE TAKE IT
TO COURT AND WALLA HE IS NOW CONSIDERED MY VICTIM
(THEY TELL EVERYONE ITS SEXUAL STUFF ECT, TO MAKE
ME LOOK LIKE A PERVERT, MY SISTERS WRATH FOR PRESSING
CHARGES AGAINST HER IN 1994 FOR WHAT SHE DID TO
MY SON) I ALSO TURNED HER IN TO "TO CATCH A PREDATOR"
SO SHE AND MY MOM AND OTHER PEOPLE REALLY WENT
AFTER ME THEY SHOULDN'T DO THINGS TO BABIES TO
CHILDREN RIGHT GUESS WHAT WORLD I'D DO IT ALL AGAIN
TOO THEY ALSO HELPED THE PEOPLE THAT SHOT ME
THEY HELPED MAKE ME CRAZY THEY ARE COMPLETLY
INVOLVED IN EVERYTHING HAPPENING TO ME AND THAT
THE TRUTH BELIEVE IT OR NOT.....
ALSO I DON'T LOOK TO SEE IF THERE ARE COMMENTS AND
I NEVER LOOK TO SEE HOW MANY HITS MY STUFF GETS
AND EVEN IF ONLY ONE PERSON EVER READ IT AND I
NEVER KNEW IT, THE TRUTH IS TOLD AND I FEEL
BETTER JUST PUTTING IT ALL IN BLACK AND WHITE
THANK YOU WORLD .........STEPH
Saturday, March 20, 2010
See Me
I have seen the darkness
Lived in its past, dealt with many dissapointments
The good goes by too fast
Hoping for serenity, only to get complexity
Full of sorrow and pain
What lesson am I to gain
Always optimistic, what will the future bring
Less saddness more smiles from the soul
With someday to feel whole
Once I sat in silence and found peace
Within the depths of my soul its there
Surrounded by chaos the traffic of life
With u, this world, I want to share
With these bitches all over out there
Making people see me in a false light
World can you care?
Please lift the clouds of dispare
...................tell them. Let me be
...................everywhere they see me
...................everywhere they hear me
......................................HELP ME................
FROM ME JOAN STEPHANIE...BELIEVE ME
Lived in its past, dealt with many dissapointments
The good goes by too fast
Hoping for serenity, only to get complexity
Full of sorrow and pain
What lesson am I to gain
Always optimistic, what will the future bring
Less saddness more smiles from the soul
With someday to feel whole
Once I sat in silence and found peace
Within the depths of my soul its there
Surrounded by chaos the traffic of life
With u, this world, I want to share
With these bitches all over out there
Making people see me in a false light
World can you care?
Please lift the clouds of dispare
...................tell them. Let me be
...................everywhere they see me
...................everywhere they hear me
......................................HELP ME................
FROM ME JOAN STEPHANIE...BELIEVE ME
Monday, March 15, 2010
He Said "You Saved My Life"
No one truly knows the turmoil deep in my soul
They cannot know, unless they too have been there
Most do not, will not, cannot understand
Lost, "do I know my worth?"
I can't breathe, feels like someone. Crushing my chest
As if a hand is squeezing my heart
Making each beat like its last
The inner battle I'm barely winning
Do I have the will to win this war?
Imagine swimming to the middle of a large lake
Exhausted, will I have enough stregnth to get back to shore?
To give in makes it seem simple, but its complicating it more
The sadness behind my eyes, the tears behind my smile
But I do go on and here's why..............
On my weakest day I stood in a long checkout line
Smiled at a baby, her mom
Scanned the covers of the tabloids, humored
Laughed at headlines, commenting to the man infront of me
He laughed, shared his favorites grabbing one of each
His turn came, he told the cashier "never mind those items"
"I'll just get these instead"
Didn't think a lot of it, I always talk to people like that
Until a week later at the same store
A man walked up to me, smiled and said "thank you"
I said "what for?"
He said "last week you was behind me in the checkout"
"On the counter I had the items to take my life"
"I felt alone, invisible, people look right threw me"
"You visited me didn't look past me, sharing what was funny"
"YOU SAVED MY LIFE"
"I didn't buy the things I intended, I got those mag's instead"
Then he said "taking the time to smile at someone in passing...
Or showing something to make them laugh, I bet you've saved..
More than me, remember that"
So I always remember that when I start to give up, the irony
My humor shields my pain............
So whenever you want give up remember
.................................."YOU SAVE MY LIFE"
They cannot know, unless they too have been there
Most do not, will not, cannot understand
Lost, "do I know my worth?"
I can't breathe, feels like someone. Crushing my chest
As if a hand is squeezing my heart
Making each beat like its last
The inner battle I'm barely winning
Do I have the will to win this war?
Imagine swimming to the middle of a large lake
Exhausted, will I have enough stregnth to get back to shore?
To give in makes it seem simple, but its complicating it more
The sadness behind my eyes, the tears behind my smile
But I do go on and here's why..............
On my weakest day I stood in a long checkout line
Smiled at a baby, her mom
Scanned the covers of the tabloids, humored
Laughed at headlines, commenting to the man infront of me
He laughed, shared his favorites grabbing one of each
His turn came, he told the cashier "never mind those items"
"I'll just get these instead"
Didn't think a lot of it, I always talk to people like that
Until a week later at the same store
A man walked up to me, smiled and said "thank you"
I said "what for?"
He said "last week you was behind me in the checkout"
"On the counter I had the items to take my life"
"I felt alone, invisible, people look right threw me"
"You visited me didn't look past me, sharing what was funny"
"YOU SAVED MY LIFE"
"I didn't buy the things I intended, I got those mag's instead"
Then he said "taking the time to smile at someone in passing...
Or showing something to make them laugh, I bet you've saved..
More than me, remember that"
So I always remember that when I start to give up, the irony
My humor shields my pain............
So whenever you want give up remember
.................................."YOU SAVE MY LIFE"
Unfinished Song
The way I see it, the world has lost so many the past few years
From my childhood, family, social, theater, tv, movies and music
They've made me laugh, they've made me cry
Now I'm sick
I am still lost and wondern why
This is all for you..........memories never die
I have that tightness in my throat, that choaking
On the verge of cryn that you all know
Everyones been dying
We've all been cryn
Bitches been tryn stifle'n those defendn, lovin me
My world turned upside down, yes I'm the one everyone hears & sees
Brought on by modern technology
Invasion of privacy
Many try to protect me
There's no way to stop my heart from hurtn
Its hard to understand how I feel, unless you been listening
The whole world seems to know me, I didn't ask for it tho
Understanding I shouldn't blame myself
For things out of control....(its hard not to)
I understand things take time
Just seems unreachable
In the meantime the world loses another beautiful soul
Out of sight, never forgotten, never out of mind
..............memories never die
........................we love you
(Just sharing my heart its good medicine right?)
From my childhood, family, social, theater, tv, movies and music
They've made me laugh, they've made me cry
Now I'm sick
I am still lost and wondern why
This is all for you..........memories never die
I have that tightness in my throat, that choaking
On the verge of cryn that you all know
Everyones been dying
We've all been cryn
Bitches been tryn stifle'n those defendn, lovin me
My world turned upside down, yes I'm the one everyone hears & sees
Brought on by modern technology
Invasion of privacy
Many try to protect me
There's no way to stop my heart from hurtn
Its hard to understand how I feel, unless you been listening
The whole world seems to know me, I didn't ask for it tho
Understanding I shouldn't blame myself
For things out of control....(its hard not to)
I understand things take time
Just seems unreachable
In the meantime the world loses another beautiful soul
Out of sight, never forgotten, never out of mind
..............memories never die
........................we love you
(Just sharing my heart its good medicine right?)
Love Ain't Easy
It may be easy to fall in love that first time
After that trust is harder to find
First loves teaches you how to grow
Its too bad you have to be hurt to know
Don't play games with someones heart
In the end it'll be yours torn apart
Always be honest, trust, be true
Or you could end up alone no one loving you
Don't forget to be strong among those things
If your not careful sorrow it could bring
Caring, passion, and respect is what loves about
Communication, means you don't have to shout
Somestimes it takes time to find true love
When you do, it'll be better than you dreamt of
After that trust is harder to find
First loves teaches you how to grow
Its too bad you have to be hurt to know
Don't play games with someones heart
In the end it'll be yours torn apart
Always be honest, trust, be true
Or you could end up alone no one loving you
Don't forget to be strong among those things
If your not careful sorrow it could bring
Caring, passion, and respect is what loves about
Communication, means you don't have to shout
Somestimes it takes time to find true love
When you do, it'll be better than you dreamt of
Sunday, March 14, 2010
BELIEVE
Once again I sit alone in thought
My mind travels in and out of the past
Sometimes fate deals a bad hand
But lessons learned are worth it in the end
You've gotta take the good with the bad
It sometimes seems it ain't worth it
I've learned you gotta keep your head
For sometimes there no one to catch you when u fall
I've kept my head held high
Keeping faith, the future will be best
I'll look back be proud to have survived
In hardtimes never forget who loves you
Remember despite everything that goes wrong
Things change, you gotta believe it will
The best is yet to come, in time
Never give up on dreams, there worth it
STAY POSITIVE
My mind travels in and out of the past
Sometimes fate deals a bad hand
But lessons learned are worth it in the end
You've gotta take the good with the bad
It sometimes seems it ain't worth it
I've learned you gotta keep your head
For sometimes there no one to catch you when u fall
I've kept my head held high
Keeping faith, the future will be best
I'll look back be proud to have survived
In hardtimes never forget who loves you
Remember despite everything that goes wrong
Things change, you gotta believe it will
The best is yet to come, in time
Never give up on dreams, there worth it
STAY POSITIVE
BRUCE LEE SAID........
"Fighting is not something dictated by your conditioning as
A kung fu man, a karate man, a judo man or what not. The
Man who is really serious with the urge to find what truth is
Has no style at all only in what is"
"Fighting, as is, is simple and total"
"The core of understanding is in the individual mind, and
Until that is touched everything is uncertain and superficial
After all, knowledge in martial arts ultimatly means self
Knowledge."
A kung fu man, a karate man, a judo man or what not. The
Man who is really serious with the urge to find what truth is
Has no style at all only in what is"
"Fighting, as is, is simple and total"
"The core of understanding is in the individual mind, and
Until that is touched everything is uncertain and superficial
After all, knowledge in martial arts ultimatly means self
Knowledge."
My Sound
Somewhere inside it quietly dawns
At first just a faint pulse
Adding a special feeling, my sound
Its my own unique style
My own identity
My sound becomes clear
A reflection of who I am, what I feel
Its my pattern
My deepest emotions
Happy I found that someone who excepts and loves it
He loves my endless horizons of who I am
Accepts and listens let's me be me
Everyone has there own tune, there own beat
Don't smother it or reject it, like so many do
We should be proud to dance to our own tune
Appreciate the different sounds around
I love my music, my own sound
BE WHO YOU ARE NOT WHAT OTHERS SAY YOU SHOULD BE
At first just a faint pulse
Adding a special feeling, my sound
Its my own unique style
My own identity
My sound becomes clear
A reflection of who I am, what I feel
Its my pattern
My deepest emotions
Happy I found that someone who excepts and loves it
He loves my endless horizons of who I am
Accepts and listens let's me be me
Everyone has there own tune, there own beat
Don't smother it or reject it, like so many do
We should be proud to dance to our own tune
Appreciate the different sounds around
I love my music, my own sound
BE WHO YOU ARE NOT WHAT OTHERS SAY YOU SHOULD BE
IN LOVING MEMORY
..........MY BABY TRIPLETS..........
ORLANDO CHESNEY GALINDO
ETERNAL FAITH GALINDO
ORIN ROBERT GALINDO
...........................................2006
..........MY OTHER SON...........
CASEY LEE KAMHOOT
...................JULY 30, 1990 - JULY 6, 2008
HOMIES DEAD AND GONE..........
................................WITH "BLACK BIRD" NOW
RYAN "WOODIE" WOOD..NOVEMBER 20, 1975
...........................................MARCH. , 2007
NATHAN VOORHEES....DECEMBER 30, 1983
......................................SEPTEMBER 28, 2007
RYAN LAYNE THOMPSON..JUNE 12, 1977
.......................................SEPTEMBER 14, 2006
AND
GEORGE CARLIN, BERNIE MAC, CORY HAIM
MJ, AND SOOO MANY OTHERS..........
THE WORLD MISSES YOU
............... ALWAYS & FOREVER................
ORLANDO CHESNEY GALINDO
ETERNAL FAITH GALINDO
ORIN ROBERT GALINDO
...........................................2006
..........MY OTHER SON...........
CASEY LEE KAMHOOT
...................JULY 30, 1990 - JULY 6, 2008
HOMIES DEAD AND GONE..........
................................WITH "BLACK BIRD" NOW
RYAN "WOODIE" WOOD..NOVEMBER 20, 1975
...........................................MARCH. , 2007
NATHAN VOORHEES....DECEMBER 30, 1983
......................................SEPTEMBER 28, 2007
RYAN LAYNE THOMPSON..JUNE 12, 1977
.......................................SEPTEMBER 14, 2006
AND
GEORGE CARLIN, BERNIE MAC, CORY HAIM
MJ, AND SOOO MANY OTHERS..........
THE WORLD MISSES YOU
............... ALWAYS & FOREVER................
Saturday, March 13, 2010
REALITY
Lay'n out all the pieces
Tryn to figure it out
Its like a jigsaw puzzle
Let me tell you about
Putn the puzzle together, it takes time
But I'm gonna get mine
They're all over the place, the bitches
There diggn more than ditches
Spent time with god, with bullets to my head
He ain't mad at me for not forgiv'n
Still part of me is just not liv'n
For ORLANDO, ETERNAL, and ORIN I keep cry'n
Just can't get over them dy'n
Joined by CASEY in two thousand eight
I don't feel guilty for my hate
Part of me is lost or just gone
I cry and cry, but everyday I go on
A few more pieces, the picture everyone will see
Karma's comming for you bitches, not me
REALITY
FOR MY BABY'S, & MY FRIENDS THAT ARE GONE DEFEND'N ME
Tryn to figure it out
Its like a jigsaw puzzle
Let me tell you about
Putn the puzzle together, it takes time
But I'm gonna get mine
They're all over the place, the bitches
There diggn more than ditches
Spent time with god, with bullets to my head
He ain't mad at me for not forgiv'n
Still part of me is just not liv'n
For ORLANDO, ETERNAL, and ORIN I keep cry'n
Just can't get over them dy'n
Joined by CASEY in two thousand eight
I don't feel guilty for my hate
Part of me is lost or just gone
I cry and cry, but everyday I go on
A few more pieces, the picture everyone will see
Karma's comming for you bitches, not me
REALITY
FOR MY BABY'S, & MY FRIENDS THAT ARE GONE DEFEND'N ME
.........Come Around
Always wondering a persons intensions
Got all this confussion........speculation
Knocked me into a deep depression
Patiently I wait
Imagine fate
So many obstacles, goin out of my mind
Where's the fuck'n peace I need to find?
Open your eyes to see reality
In the darkness I found me
I'm taking back what you took from me
My dignity
The pain bestowed upon me don't diminish
Even so, your game I will finish
Wish you could see your expression
Realizing, I get my redemption
Got all this confussion........speculation
Knocked me into a deep depression
Patiently I wait
Imagine fate
So many obstacles, goin out of my mind
Where's the fuck'n peace I need to find?
Open your eyes to see reality
In the darkness I found me
I'm taking back what you took from me
My dignity
The pain bestowed upon me don't diminish
Even so, your game I will finish
Wish you could see your expression
Realizing, I get my redemption
Friday, March 12, 2010
My Choice
Does manipulation make you strong?
Does it give you power?
I grew weak, went into depression
I let friends walk all over me
In denial you see
Wanted to believe they was true, honest, and real
Blind to the point of being sureal
My eyes did open to a reality so unkind
I saw them clearly, untrue I did find
Had to walk away from people I thought were friends
Had to omit them in the end
Rather be with less to do and alittle lonely
Than waste my time with people who are phoney
So proud I am for sticking to what I believe
Its important to stay real
There should never be a question
So stick to honesty and truth
Nothing is real without them
You should never play games or be deceptive
What goes around comes around
Make your choice
WHAT LIFE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?
Does it give you power?
I grew weak, went into depression
I let friends walk all over me
In denial you see
Wanted to believe they was true, honest, and real
Blind to the point of being sureal
My eyes did open to a reality so unkind
I saw them clearly, untrue I did find
Had to walk away from people I thought were friends
Had to omit them in the end
Rather be with less to do and alittle lonely
Than waste my time with people who are phoney
So proud I am for sticking to what I believe
Its important to stay real
There should never be a question
So stick to honesty and truth
Nothing is real without them
You should never play games or be deceptive
What goes around comes around
Make your choice
WHAT LIFE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?
Untitled
I never say "why did this happen to me?"
It happened though, for a reason, for me to see
I walked threw the valley of death
God said "your needed, take another breath"
"You don't have to forgive"
"But you need to remember to live"
I said "lord couldn't you take me I'll go?"
"If it means everyone else will live"
"Take me lord myself I give"
Everyone should know, we all say that right?
Wouldn't we trade ourselves to save a life
My imperfections..........make me
I'm not so bad...............see me
It happened though, for a reason, for me to see
I walked threw the valley of death
God said "your needed, take another breath"
"You don't have to forgive"
"But you need to remember to live"
I said "lord couldn't you take me I'll go?"
"If it means everyone else will live"
"Take me lord myself I give"
Everyone should know, we all say that right?
Wouldn't we trade ourselves to save a life
My imperfections..........make me
I'm not so bad...............see me
The Three
I guess I'm selfish
I want the anger to diminish
Free from hate and rage
Free from my cage
.........MOM.........
You showed me no love
Embedding rejection
I'm not good enough the reflection
..........UNCLE JOHNNIE.........
You showed me lifes darkside
A childhood lost, innocense taken
My whole life its cost
..........AUNT MARY..........
You showed me secrets are priority
A childs words unimportant to you
Allowing the sickness to spread
Childrens souls dead
..........YOU THREE..........
Showed me exhausting frustration
Years of depression
And through it all, I showed you
................................I SURVIVED..........
For u Dr. Phil, I got real.....my three
I want the anger to diminish
Free from hate and rage
Free from my cage
.........MOM.........
You showed me no love
Embedding rejection
I'm not good enough the reflection
..........UNCLE JOHNNIE.........
You showed me lifes darkside
A childhood lost, innocense taken
My whole life its cost
..........AUNT MARY..........
You showed me secrets are priority
A childs words unimportant to you
Allowing the sickness to spread
Childrens souls dead
..........YOU THREE..........
Showed me exhausting frustration
Years of depression
And through it all, I showed you
................................I SURVIVED..........
For u Dr. Phil, I got real.....my three
FULL CIRCLE
I pray in my lifetime, the worlds eyes see
Memories my mother stole from me
Hypnotized, easier to abuse me, hatred instilled inside
My memoeries open, no longer do they hide
To the surface they have come
MAYBE MY STORY CAN SAVE SOME
The victim of child abuse, in a time when heads turned
Grown now, the time new, finally they've learned
Silent cries, a mothers lies, my life missing with her
I've come full circle, now my life stirs
No longer quiet, I remember the hell
MY VOICE NOT HUSHED, I'M TELLING THE TALE
........................I broke the silent cycle
................................I did not fail...............................
Memories my mother stole from me
Hypnotized, easier to abuse me, hatred instilled inside
My memoeries open, no longer do they hide
To the surface they have come
MAYBE MY STORY CAN SAVE SOME
The victim of child abuse, in a time when heads turned
Grown now, the time new, finally they've learned
Silent cries, a mothers lies, my life missing with her
I've come full circle, now my life stirs
No longer quiet, I remember the hell
MY VOICE NOT HUSHED, I'M TELLING THE TALE
........................I broke the silent cycle
................................I did not fail...............................
DREAMS
My Dreams....
....Real
They came in the night
When my eyes see no light
To take my mind
Memories
To steal my life
Crying out to no ones ears
Opening all my fears
Erasing.....Confusing
My Dreams....
....Real
They came in the light
When my eyes see no dark
To abuse my innerself
Memories
To steal my life
Screaming "GOD SAVE ME"
They're seeing my tears
Wanting.....Needing
My Dreams....
....Real
.....Nightmares Still
My Dreams....
....Real
I Live Still
Stephanie
....Real
They came in the night
When my eyes see no light
To take my mind
Memories
To steal my life
Crying out to no ones ears
Opening all my fears
Erasing.....Confusing
My Dreams....
....Real
They came in the light
When my eyes see no dark
To abuse my innerself
Memories
To steal my life
Screaming "GOD SAVE ME"
They're seeing my tears
Wanting.....Needing
My Dreams....
....Real
.....Nightmares Still
My Dreams....
....Real
I Live Still
Stephanie
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The Clown Without Makeup
Everyone pretends around me.
I know they all listen and see.
Can't tell who loves me.
I remember what use to be.
The voices are people I know.
Not in my head, they don't go.
Everyone has fun with the clown show.
Watching my tears flow.
Everyone places their bet. Will I miss the net?
I'm the clown game, on your internet.
On your mark get set.
ALWAYS, the games not over yet......
THE CLOWN,
ALWAYS
I know they all listen and see.
Can't tell who loves me.
I remember what use to be.
The voices are people I know.
Not in my head, they don't go.
Everyone has fun with the clown show.
Watching my tears flow.
Everyone places their bet. Will I miss the net?
I'm the clown game, on your internet.
On your mark get set.
ALWAYS, the games not over yet......
THE CLOWN,
ALWAYS
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