INVASION OF PRIVACY IS ILLEGAL YOU KNOW

be glad u dont have people obsessed with your business that they are in it every minute ....... invasion of privacy is illegal you know....... one day one day
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,​,,,
the voices all around me isnt scitzo its modern technology
all these bitches all up on my biography
tryn to write their fiction about me
tryn to avoid truth with scripted mentality
im the one and only
aint no carbon copy
..............................​ stephanie
wrote it just now for y'all peace

FOR THOSE WHO ONCE WAS MY FRIEND "ITS YOU"

GO AHEAD ACT LIKE WE'RE STILL FRIENDS
EVEN THOUGH WE ALL KNOW ITS AT A END
I LOOK AT YOU, I DON'T CARE
BECAUSE WHEN I NEEDED YOU, YOU WAS NO WHERE

ALL YOUR GROUP GAMES, MANIPULATING & HATIN
AT MY EXPENSE YOU WENT ON PLAYIN
WHEN I'D CLOSE A DOOR, REMEMBER THE THINGS YOU'D SAY?
ROLLING YOUR EYES LIKE I DIDN'T SEE, I REMEMBER THEM DAYS

GO AHEAD ACT INNOCENT TO THE PART YOU PLAYED, SAY I'M TRIPPIN
ITS BEYOND HATE FOR YOU, I GOT NO FEELIN'S
THE WORD "HATE" JUST HELPS DESCRIBE HOW I'M DEALIN
I'M JUST A GAME TO YOU ALL, IN MY LIFE YOUR DIPPIN

SO WHEN YOU ASK......"WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?"
HOW BOUT YOU ALL THINK BACK AND REMEMBER
ITS HARD FOR YOU I'M SURE
SINCE YOUR IN DENIAL, BE IN DENIAL NO MORE

ITS YOU

ITS NOT ME ITS YOU

(WRITTIN SEPTEMBER 19, 2010)

AGONY OF A VAMPIRE

...................Written in 2002..................

THE LIFE I LEAD HAS CHANGED
DARKNESS HAS TAKEN MY SOUL
DEEP WITHIN THE DEPTH OF MY MIND

................................MY SANITY

I LONG FOR A CONCLUSION TO MY PAIN
ALL THAT I AM SURROUNDED BY ...STILL ALONE
IS THERE ANYONE WHO FEELS AS I DO?

.................................SO MUCH CONFUSION

IS THERE A LESSON TO BE LEARNED FROM SORROW?
MY HEAD....SO CLOUDED WITH PAST REFLECTIONS
IS THERE ANY MERCY FOR A LOST SOUL

..................................FREE ME

I HAVE WISHED FOR DEATH TO COME.....IT NEVER WILL
THERE IS NO ANSWER TO MY QUESTIONS...ONLY SILENCE
I EXIST IN WONDER, WITH A HEAVY HEART

...................................SAVE ME

MISSING YOU (WRITTEN JAN 19, 1986)

I'm missing you guys again
The thought is always in my mind
Had a hard time accepting you left me behind

One day we were all here
The next you disappeared
But I always seem to feel you near
With each and every new year

Memories I don't let go
Poetry is how I will show
I love you guys with all my heart
Wishing we never had to part

RANDY, ROWDY I'm missing you again
Explaining feelings, I woundnt know where to begin
Memories I will never let go
I shall always love you so

FROM YOUR COUSIN STEPHANIE

TO THE MEMORY OF MY COUSINS
RANDY AND ROWDY MARTINEZ
JULY 16, 1968 - JAN 29, 1978

GOODBYE MY FRIEND

I write this to say goodbye
I know you'll read when you fly
Thank you my friend for being you
Thank you for a frienship so true
Take a little piece of my heart and smile
Cuz I need to let the tears flow for awhile
Don't worry they aren't all from sorrow today
Some come from remembering yesterdays
So much laughter, alittle bit of tears
Couldn't keep count after all these years
I'm so glad you was a part of my life my friend
Fly free, its a new beginning not an end
Say "hi" for me, so lucky are the friends that went before
They get to see you once more
For the friends still here, hold our seats
Cuz we look forward to the day we'll again meet

GOODBYE MY FRIEND
.................................WE ALL LOVE YOU
.................................FROM STEPHANIE
WRITTEN - JUNE 29,2004 B4 LIFE SUPPORT GOT SHUT OFF
FOR : PATRICK JAMES VARNEY
.........JAN 9, 1970 - JUNE 30, 2004

THEY ARE SIGNIFICANT...MY TRIPLETS NAMES

Well hello world...today is CINCO DE MAYO & THE TRIPLETS BIRTHDAY I want to
Tell you something special I thank u all for allowing me such a privledge (can't
Spell) to be sad everyone seems to understand how much I needed this, people
To listen without rolling there eyes, or saying get over it, because healing is a
Long process for sum as hurt and angry as I have been the bitches have done
Everything to make believe my babies didn't exist and I'm going to tell you how
Much they did.

In a name.......you know parents moms many of you during your pregnacy, that
Sometimes you can really visualize who you baby is gonna look like or there
Personalities and for me it was fun my babies oh I would sit in the bath tub and
Put a cup in my bellybutton and it annoyed them they would just kick and kick
It sometimes knocking it off. It was hard being so happy yet at the same time
So in fear for them, so hopeful yet at the same time facing the reality that they
Wouldn't make it...I always talked to them telling them what a good job they
Was doing being so strong. You see the pregnancy became ectopic (my uterus tore)
And when I tried in the emercency room for help the bitches told them I was just
There to get attention and they distracted the one nurse who was helping me and
I got sent home being told I just had fluid behind my eardrum (it was blood,)

They tried interfering with everything to do with me getting help remember..so
I kept having hypertension my thighs would just I can't even explain it but
I felt for months labor pains that's how it felt and hemmoraging blood so
Bad..so I decided since they was steal kicking to pretend I wasn't pregnant
Anymore so I could get the ultra sound and my skull xrays as proof for
The police department to show the damages the bitches did to my insides
And to show the bitches murdered my babies.

Here's the deal remember they was and still are invading my privacy and torturing
Me, (she said that if the babies lived they'd make sure something bad would
Happen to them) I thought of the beautiful people I visualized my babies to be...1st
ETERNAL I SAW HER WITH DARK HAIR NOT BLACK I SAW THESE BEAUTIFUL
CHEEK BONES AND I THOUGHT OF FAITH HILLS BEAUTIFUL RESEMBLANC
TO WHAT I VISUALIZED (I LIKED TO SAY I NAMED HER AFTER TIM, GET IT? :)
I SAW HER STRONG AND ABLE TO KEEP HER BROTHERS LEVEL YOU KNOW?

OK NOW ORLANDO...I SAW THIS MEDIUM BUILT SOFT SPOKEN GENTLEMAN
BUT A TEMPER WHICH WAS THERE BUT IT WOULD TAKE A LOT TO SET HIM
OFF I SAW HIM ALWAYS THERE THOUGH FOR HIS BROTHER (ILL TELL U BOUT
THAT WITH ORINS STORY) STRONG PRESENCE AND SPOKE HIS MIND AND I
REALLY KNEW THE TOO MEN HE'S NAMED AFTER REALLY MATCH THE SOFTNESS
IN HIS FACE, THE GENTLENESS AND MANLINESS

ANNNND ORIN MY EASY TEMPERED SPIT FIRE :) MAN WHAT SAW WITH HIM
JUST MADE ME GIGGLE SO MUCH LIKE HIS DADDY THAT DADDY WOULD
HAVE TO KEEP HIS EYES AND EARS OPEN 24/7 FOR HIM CUZ HE WOULD KNOW
EXACTLY HOW HE WOULD REACT TO WHATEVER SET HIM OFF :) VERY LOVING
VERY LOVING HE'D BE THICKER AND TALL LIKE MY SON RANDEE (HE'S WAY TALL
OVER 6FT 2) I SAW A SCENE IN STEVEN SEAGAL'S MOVIE EXIT WOUNDS, WHERE
HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE IN AN ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASS AND HE SAYS
HE DON'T HAVE A TEMPER AND HE GETS STUCK IN THE DESK AND PEOCEEDS
TO BREAK IT INTO PIECES .....YEAH THAT'S RIGHT SO SINCE I WANTED BOTH
BOYS TO HAVE O NAMES I PICK ORIN THE CHARACTER NAME INSTEAD OF
STEPHEN SO TECHNICALLY HE'S NAMED AFTER STEVEN MAINLY SINCE STEVEN
BESIDES BRUCE LEE IS THE TAO ONE OF MY INSPIRATIONS OF KNOWLEGE ( HE'S
MORE THAN JUST A MOVIE STAR ) AND THE 2 ROBERTS WELL YEP THEY FIT
ORIN DISCRIPTION :)

OK DEEPER ABOUT THINGS K.....I THOUGHT AND SAW THAT IF THE BABIES LIVED
THE BITCHES WOULD GET TO THEM I WAS SO SCARED AND WHAT IF I DIE FROM
COMPLICATIONS FROM MY BRAIN INJURY ECT...SO I DECIDED KENNY CHESNEY
LOVES THE ISLANDS AND I KNEW HE WOULD MAKE THE BEST 2ND DADDY
EVER (GODFATHER PEEPS) HE COULD TAKE THEM THEIR AND THEY'D BE SAFE AND
IF HE NEEDED HELP FAITH COULD BE BACKUP GODMOTHER...(SHARON
OSBOURNE I NAMED AS GODMOTHER AND U SAY WHY JOAN STEPHANIE?
BECUZ PEEPS I ALWAYS CALL OZZY MY OTHER DAD AND THEY USE TO TAKE
THEIR BABIES WITH THEM ON TOUR AND EVERYWHERE AND PLUS THEY
HAVE HOME IN ENGLAND TOO I WAS THINKING OF DISTANCE AND SAFTEY)
AND WHEN ALL THE BITCHES WAS DRIVING ME CRAZY AND THE WORLD
COULD HEAR AND EVEN SEE IT I KNEW THESE AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE
WOULD MAKE MY BABIES SAFE AND GIVE THEM ALL MY LOVE SO THAT THE STUPID
DUMMIES COULDN'T GET THEM

YOU KNOW WITH THESE BITCHES STILL HURTIN ME AND INVADING MY
PRIVACY? THEY WENT AS FAR AS RUNNING WATER IN THE WALLS ESPECIALLY
THE ROOM MEANT FOR THE BABIES I SPRAYED AND STILL SPRAY THE CLOSET WALL
AND UNDER MY KITCHEN SINK ON THE WALL TO KILL AS MUCH OF THE MOLD
I COULD, THEY EVEN MADE PLANS FOR IF I PUT THE BABIES IN DAYCARE THAT
ONE OF THEM WOULD GET A JOB WHERE THEY WAS AT AND DO THINGS TO
THEM TO MAKE ME AND THEIR DAD LOOK ABUSIVE.....PEEPS I JUST COULDN'T
HANDLE THERE PLANS I WANTED TO PROTECT THE BABIES IF THEY WOULDA
LIVED.

THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR YOUR TIME AND FOR LISTENING

I'll WRITE AGAIN SOON ..........MAYBE ANOTHER POEM OR SONG TOO

LOVE FROM ME JOAN STEPHANIE CRUEA

Rap For You Bob

Stephanie is his girl, I know I'm her
Akon sings "soul survivor"
Young Jeezy says "yeeeeaaah"
They're singn bout they're lives
I'm feelin it what they're sayn
My mans a rider, he's on these streets too
A badass mutha, surviv'n, struggl'n
U don't wanna fuck with his, don't be that sucka
I always make sure to give him that lov'n
Cuz we never know when the law be comm'n
Everyone knows, for him I ride
Any other female say he with them, they lied
........sus hijos sus calles y mi...(his kids his streets and me)
My man loves this woman, this lady is his everything
So don't tell him he gotta choose
Don't wanna be that fool
Every way I can say "I love you" I do
Cuz when he do the time I do it too

(Dear bob id like to add a part of akon & young jeezy's
"Soul survivor"'s chorus part but change "me" to "him"
And "I'll" to "he'll" and add "B's a rider" but I don't
Have any way to do that becuz even tho they can
Hear us echoing in the world its not a way to get
Permission to borrow parts of the song and I'm
Poor so I can't actually pay to borrow either, but I'm
Sure if you close your eyes you can imagine it k)

And Akon the cool thing is "once in awhile" is the
Inspiration the beat I don't know, but it brought
This unfinished song into me for my bob thank
You for saying everything he tries to say to me
In your songs ............love u my friend I've never
....................................met, threw these few years
....................................you helped more than u
....................................know.....bless you

Young Jeezy, I've been happy being strong with
Your songs the past few years threw my struggles
So happy to hear "yeeeeaah" your stories tell
Soooo much of my bob's and his boys it makes
Me feel like I know u and I never once knew
Your name all this time til 3 weeks ago when
I downloaded pandora radio on my phone on
My lil wayne radio a name and face suddenly
Was there with your voice. Thank you thank you
Thank you.................always a friend
...................................joan stephanie cruea

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THE TRUTH, MY WORDS

First some parts I did write to certain people, stone phillips, gang unit,
Major crime unit, steven king, standard examiner, fox13 television......
What happened really happen here it is it really happened I talk about
It becuz the bitches don't want me to and nomatter what or how they
Try to control me I'm saying what I'm gonna say I ain't looking for pity
Or comments or stars I don't even care how many hits my shit gets
The bitches oh there's a lot of them, they wanted to do as much torture
And unbelievable things all at once why u say? So that noone would ever
Believe me, they said "like all that shit could really happen to one person"
They say it everytime I talk about it. I call them bitches stupid dummies etc
They pretend to be me doing fucked up stuff once my sister went to
Welfare (workforce services) she yelled making a huge scene "my name
Is joan stephanie cruea I demand u cancel my foodstamps!" I go to the
Store and guess what? .......
I hear voices, but not the scitzo kind alright, its all them damn bitches
,but also some of u kind people, I'm split inside myself, I have. Many
Sides thanx to my mom & people that actually knew they played games
With me for yrs without me knowing I was medically different, it makes sense
Now, december 2005 I was shot in the head (yes later I got xrays & ultrasounds
For the police department, proof sumthing did happen) unaware myself
For awhile unbelievable I know,THEY STAGED IT WORLD, THEY HAD IT ALL
STAGED they got me right where they wanted me, they poked me with
Those really thin (hair thin bout invisible to the eyes) snakes or whatever
Modern technology like exterminators use or other tech stuff I shouldn't
Just say poked it continues, but in dec 2005 it began the torture THE GAME
She said "what's that steph? " everywhere id look she wasn't there its like they
Put a camera behind my eyes to see what I see. While I watched blue collar
Comedy show on video she started repeating every word they'd say after
They'd say like an echo, 3 days straight 24 hrs, night day they chanted
"Fuck u stephanie fuck u bitch" and "fuck me in the asshole, fuck me in
The asshole" no sleep its all I could hear everywhere I went it echoed in
Grocery stores and power lines, they read a law book bout the privacy act
And used it as a manual on what they could do and the way they read it
They thought it meant what they legally can get away with it. Then they
Pretended to be demons in my head I guess I was suppose to think I was
Possessed & for another 3 days (well he kept tracked of how long he
Said something like 76 hours) I was poked with sumthing painful in my
Eyelids I closed my eyes they blew air up my nose to startle me, the
The apartment above different people move in but they r with the bitches
They all join in the game, everyone covering up for everyone else right
Who's going to believe me anyway my sister sai"you can't escape my wrath"
After awhile I couldn't tell if I was awake or dreaming then insane said
To me "its all real steph" and he saved me, becuz by that time I wanted
To just die so I tell everyone no matter what u see on his record, his jail
Time, prison time insane took the time help me before going to prison
In 2006 (sometimes helping me has landed them in jail, prison)
He could of looked away, but he didnt, he loves my bob enuf to love me
For bob because of insane neither me nor bob died. I remember his voice
Meijo's voice and some other kind people I started to call them (who, what
How and why) because everytime she said "who's that or what that" one of
Them would yell back "its none of your business who it is" ect
I called insane the eye in the sky he saw everything I didn't. My head injury
The bitches super glued the exit wound behind my left ear (I remember
Them telling me to stay still and pushing my head to the side) and they
Called a doctor to ask what would happen if someone swallowed a
Bullet (becuz one bulllet rickached and went down my nose cavity I
Had a sezuire infront of my son he's fifteen now, they told people I died
Even showed an obituary. They do things like break the law and then
Say it was me they filmed me being shot put it on this internet they
Stomped on my stomach (I was pregnant with triplets) they didn't want
Me to have the attention and she said about my bob "fuck that he don't
Get to be all happy about that shit" they used a brand new baby
Bottle brush, nail cuticle......a bbgun :( they continuisly break in my
Place (id move but I'm poor and they'd follow anyway) they mess with and
Hurt people that care about me, they stick something down the wall
It electrocutes me sumtimes whatever it is is left on and sends a surge
Threw my body when I'm in bed, they put ticks hundreds in my bed
They was horrible comming out my nose and ears (I was told they go
Where the heats at cuz their wood ticks) I have dead ones in jars as
Proof, I sleep with flea & tick collars the rubber grounds my bed.
These stupid dummies spend hours and hours doing crap to me
I always ask WHY? Becuz really there isn't anything all that amazing
I'm ordinary looking I've got severe pms (who wants to b me with that)
I just work go to the store and watch tv and recently I got this awesome
Internet phone I'm on now writing this I'm just not that exciting, I know
Sum want my reputation, my status yet, others want to ruin my
Reputaion (their all in this together, I know they don't make sense)
I'm leaving out graphic details the sexual torture and stuff I'm
Not wanting any young kids or persons to have to hear that horrible
Stuff
Okay here's another weird twist becuz these bitches threw everything
In okay the privacy act mentions sum gang stuff the baby stuff k well
The bitches turned into gang stuff so that nobody would think it was
Them right, so she blames my bob and his boys, then they imitated
Rivals shooting people to start wars a lot of young boys died got injured
They tagged the city with all kinds of crap. Its sad world what these
Bitches have done and do some did six months maybe even a year
But them ones the bitches got to do the dirty work for them too get
More time than the main bitches they've changed what they look
Like then everyone just goes along with it they just start calling them
By different names even my name.
I have to be patient let the law eventually work it out so I don't
Retaliate you know kids retaliation gets u more jail time then the
Original perpatrators of the crime against you or sumone u love
The law adds the reco act onto anything gang related and retaliation
Causes charges to be called aggravated (means planned out)
So kids don't walk that path so many have walked on there's kids
In utah (everywhere) 15 yrs old with life or death sentences becuz
Of retaliating
My older son once read somewhere " a wise man learns from anothers
Mistakes, a fool learns from his own" I wish he'd beleived it more now
You know the bitches did everything to keep me from finding work
They interfered with applications they'd go grab it after id drop them
Off they'd use bluetooth and intercept any calls I've had a job now
For 2 yrs in april 2010 thank god they gave me a chance its minumim
Wage its not yet 40hrs, but they gave me a chance I thank them &
Appreciate them every minute of everyday of my life.....so don't judge
Me for where I work becuz they believe me & believe in me.
People invade my privacy with modern technology
Okay one last thing world, my expired drivers license was stolen in
2006, (I got it again finally, I'm poor it took awhile) k people used
My name did somethings, got arrested or'd out, used my name, warrant
Went out I'm in a fight well I was refusing to fight, I finally call
The police asking for gang unit becuz the stupid dummie was tryn
To jump me out of a gang I'm not in(my bob's) and she's not even
In well I get arrested for failure to appear (2 felony counts: identity
Fraud) well I get put on suicide watch, first thing they say they are
Waiting (WAITING) to charge me for attempted suicide, repeat WAITING
I know crazy! Then a cop says she knows joan stephanie cruea and
Tells them I'm not her, so they hold me 12 and 1/2 days in suicide
Watch to break me into admitting that I'm not me, (yes this is
Where I tell stone phillips in letters) I remembered the non-emergancy
Police phone number so I called the police on the police, I was moved
Out of suicide watch after they figured out where I called from, yes
I got to use the phone cuz I was told I could make 2 calls or so
I'd like to thank the few officers that knew I'm not lying one snuck
Me an ibuprofrin for my headache, one snuck me sandwiches after
Another told me I couldn't have anymore sacked lunches ever I
Went beyond my limit, now world they really do give u messed
Up food on watch and I'm allergic to veggies (most) fruits. I needed
Food, and another would sneak me a extra milk THANK YOU
OFFICERS FOR YOUR KINDNESS (I know I actually thanked police)
Well I go to one court it gets dropped, but I never left suicide
Watch I end up infront of another judge (my luck I thought bcuz
Everyone is scared of this judge) (my sides were documented upon
Me meeting this judge) I have a real attorney this time and
He helps get the charges already on my name from the bitch
That I finally found out was in a different facilty using my name
(She used it six times, she says all fair and square) okay I tell
The judge "iwont take resposibility for what other people did
With my name" "I'll take responsibility for what I know I've done"
I MADE UP A NAME TO OBTAIN GAS AND ELECTRIC SERVICES
BCUZ MY LOW INCOME APTS REQUIRE YOU TURN THEM ON
WELL SINCE A COUSIN OR TWO RACKED MY BILL USING MY
NAME WHILE I LIVED SOMEWHERE I DIDN'T PAY FOR GAS MY
DUMBASS MADE UP ONE USING A FAMILIAR NAME K, WELL
MY SISTER AND MOM HAVE THIS KID WITH THE FAMILIAR
NAME CALL THE COMPANIES YELLING THEY GOT HIS
INFORMATION WRONG SO THEY CHANGE EVERYTHING TO
HIS THEY STEAL A BILL MAILED TO MY HOUSE TAKE IT
TO COURT AND WALLA HE IS NOW CONSIDERED MY VICTIM
(THEY TELL EVERYONE ITS SEXUAL STUFF ECT, TO MAKE
ME LOOK LIKE A PERVERT, MY SISTERS WRATH FOR PRESSING
CHARGES AGAINST HER IN 1994 FOR WHAT SHE DID TO
MY SON) I ALSO TURNED HER IN TO "TO CATCH A PREDATOR"
SO SHE AND MY MOM AND OTHER PEOPLE REALLY WENT
AFTER ME THEY SHOULDN'T DO THINGS TO BABIES TO
CHILDREN RIGHT GUESS WHAT WORLD I'D DO IT ALL AGAIN
TOO THEY ALSO HELPED THE PEOPLE THAT SHOT ME
THEY HELPED MAKE ME CRAZY THEY ARE COMPLETLY
INVOLVED IN EVERYTHING HAPPENING TO ME AND THAT
THE TRUTH BELIEVE IT OR NOT.....
ALSO I DON'T LOOK TO SEE IF THERE ARE COMMENTS AND
I NEVER LOOK TO SEE HOW MANY HITS MY STUFF GETS
AND EVEN IF ONLY ONE PERSON EVER READ IT AND I
NEVER KNEW IT, THE TRUTH IS TOLD AND I FEEL
BETTER JUST PUTTING IT ALL IN BLACK AND WHITE
THANK YOU WORLD .........STEPH

See Me

I have seen the darkness
Lived in its past, dealt with many dissapointments
The good goes by too fast
Hoping for serenity, only to get complexity
Full of sorrow and pain
What lesson am I to gain
Always optimistic, what will the future bring
Less saddness more smiles from the soul
With someday to feel whole
Once I sat in silence and found peace
Within the depths of my soul its there
Surrounded by chaos the traffic of life
With u, this world, I want to share
With these bitches all over out there
Making people see me in a false light
World can you care?
Please lift the clouds of dispare
...................tell them. Let me be
...................everywhere they see me
...................everywhere they hear me
......................................HELP ME................
FROM ME JOAN STEPHANIE...BELIEVE ME

He Said "You Saved My Life"

No one truly knows the turmoil deep in my soul
They cannot know, unless they too have been there
Most do not, will not, cannot understand
Lost, "do I know my worth?"
I can't breathe, feels like someone. Crushing my chest
As if a hand is squeezing my heart
Making each beat like its last
The inner battle I'm barely winning
Do I have the will to win this war?
Imagine swimming to the middle of a large lake
Exhausted, will I have enough stregnth to get back to shore?
To give in makes it seem simple, but its complicating it more
The sadness behind my eyes, the tears behind my smile
But I do go on and here's why..............

On my weakest day I stood in a long checkout line
Smiled at a baby, her mom
Scanned the covers of the tabloids, humored
Laughed at headlines, commenting to the man infront of me
He laughed, shared his favorites grabbing one of each
His turn came, he told the cashier "never mind those items"
"I'll just get these instead"
Didn't think a lot of it, I always talk to people like that
Until a week later at the same store
A man walked up to me, smiled and said "thank you"
I said "what for?"
He said "last week you was behind me in the checkout"
"On the counter I had the items to take my life"
"I felt alone, invisible, people look right threw me"
"You visited me didn't look past me, sharing what was funny"
"YOU SAVED MY LIFE"
"I didn't buy the things I intended, I got those mag's instead"
Then he said "taking the time to smile at someone in passing...
Or showing something to make them laugh, I bet you've saved..
More than me, remember that"

So I always remember that when I start to give up, the irony
My humor shields my pain............

So whenever you want give up remember
.................................."YOU SAVE MY LIFE"

Unfinished Song

The way I see it, the world has lost so many the past few years
From my childhood, family, social, theater, tv, movies and music
They've made me laugh, they've made me cry
Now I'm sick
I am still lost and wondern why
This is all for you..........memories never die

I have that tightness in my throat, that choaking
On the verge of cryn that you all know
Everyones been dying
We've all been cryn

Bitches been tryn stifle'n those defendn, lovin me
My world turned upside down, yes I'm the one everyone hears & sees
Brought on by modern technology
Invasion of privacy
Many try to protect me
There's no way to stop my heart from hurtn

Its hard to understand how I feel, unless you been listening
The whole world seems to know me, I didn't ask for it tho
Understanding I shouldn't blame myself
For things out of control....(its hard not to)

I understand things take time
Just seems unreachable
In the meantime the world loses another beautiful soul
Out of sight, never forgotten, never out of mind
..............memories never die
........................we love you

(Just sharing my heart its good medicine right?)

Love Ain't Easy

It may be easy to fall in love that first time
After that trust is harder to find
First loves teaches you how to grow
Its too bad you have to be hurt to know

Don't play games with someones heart
In the end it'll be yours torn apart
Always be honest, trust, be true
Or you could end up alone no one loving you

Don't forget to be strong among those things
If your not careful sorrow it could bring
Caring, passion, and respect is what loves about
Communication, means you don't have to shout

Somestimes it takes time to find true love
When you do, it'll be better than you dreamt of

BELIEVE

Once again I sit alone in thought
My mind travels in and out of the past
Sometimes fate deals a bad hand
But lessons learned are worth it in the end

You've gotta take the good with the bad
It sometimes seems it ain't worth it
I've learned you gotta keep your head
For sometimes there no one to catch you when u fall

I've kept my head held high
Keeping faith, the future will be best
I'll look back be proud to have survived
In hardtimes never forget who loves you

Remember despite everything that goes wrong
Things change, you gotta believe it will
The best is yet to come, in time
Never give up on dreams, there worth it

STAY POSITIVE

BRUCE LEE SAID........

"Fighting is not something dictated by your conditioning as
A kung fu man, a karate man, a judo man or what not. The
Man who is really serious with the urge to find what truth is
Has no style at all only in what is"

"Fighting, as is, is simple and total"

"The core of understanding is in the individual mind, and
Until that is touched everything is uncertain and superficial
After all, knowledge in martial arts ultimatly means self
Knowledge."

My Sound

Somewhere inside it quietly dawns
At first just a faint pulse
Adding a special feeling, my sound
Its my own unique style
My own identity
My sound becomes clear
A reflection of who I am, what I feel
Its my pattern
My deepest emotions
Happy I found that someone who excepts and loves it
He loves my endless horizons of who I am
Accepts and listens let's me be me
Everyone has there own tune, there own beat
Don't smother it or reject it, like so many do
We should be proud to dance to our own tune
Appreciate the different sounds around
I love my music, my own sound

BE WHO YOU ARE NOT WHAT OTHERS SAY YOU SHOULD BE

IN LOVING MEMORY

..........MY BABY TRIPLETS..........

ORLANDO CHESNEY GALINDO
ETERNAL FAITH GALINDO
ORIN ROBERT GALINDO
...........................................2006

..........MY OTHER SON...........

CASEY LEE KAMHOOT
...................JULY 30, 1990 - JULY 6, 2008

HOMIES DEAD AND GONE..........
................................WITH "BLACK BIRD" NOW

RYAN "WOODIE" WOOD..NOVEMBER 20, 1975
...........................................MARCH. , 2007
NATHAN VOORHEES....DECEMBER 30, 1983
......................................SEPTEMBER 28, 2007
RYAN LAYNE THOMPSON..JUNE 12, 1977
.......................................SEPTEMBER 14, 2006

AND

GEORGE CARLIN, BERNIE MAC, CORY HAIM
MJ, AND SOOO MANY OTHERS..........
THE WORLD MISSES YOU

............... ALWAYS & FOREVER................

REALITY

Lay'n out all the pieces
Tryn to figure it out
Its like a jigsaw puzzle
Let me tell you about
Putn the puzzle together, it takes time
But I'm gonna get mine

They're all over the place, the bitches
There diggn more than ditches
Spent time with god, with bullets to my head
He ain't mad at me for not forgiv'n
Still part of me is just not liv'n

For ORLANDO, ETERNAL, and ORIN I keep cry'n
Just can't get over them dy'n
Joined by CASEY in two thousand eight
I don't feel guilty for my hate
Part of me is lost or just gone
I cry and cry, but everyday I go on

A few more pieces, the picture everyone will see
Karma's comming for you bitches, not me

REALITY

FOR MY BABY'S, & MY FRIENDS THAT ARE GONE DEFEND'N ME

.........Come Around

Always wondering a persons intensions
Got all this confussion........speculation
Knocked me into a deep depression
Patiently I wait
Imagine fate
So many obstacles, goin out of my mind
Where's the fuck'n peace I need to find?
Open your eyes to see reality
In the darkness I found me
I'm taking back what you took from me
My dignity
The pain bestowed upon me don't diminish
Even so, your game I will finish
Wish you could see your expression
Realizing, I get my redemption

My Choice

Does manipulation make you strong?
Does it give you power?
I grew weak, went into depression
I let friends walk all over me
In denial you see
Wanted to believe they was true, honest, and real
Blind to the point of being sureal
My eyes did open to a reality so unkind
I saw them clearly, untrue I did find
Had to walk away from people I thought were friends
Had to omit them in the end
Rather be with less to do and alittle lonely
Than waste my time with people who are phoney
So proud I am for sticking to what I believe
Its important to stay real
There should never be a question
So stick to honesty and truth
Nothing is real without them
You should never play games or be deceptive
What goes around comes around
Make your choice
WHAT LIFE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?

Untitled

I never say "why did this happen to me?"
It happened though, for a reason, for me to see
I walked threw the valley of death
God said "your needed, take another breath"
"You don't have to forgive"
"But you need to remember to live"
I said "lord couldn't you take me I'll go?"
"If it means everyone else will live"
"Take me lord myself I give"

Everyone should know, we all say that right?
Wouldn't we trade ourselves to save a life

My imperfections..........make me
I'm not so bad...............see me

The Three

I guess I'm selfish
I want the anger to diminish
Free from hate and rage
Free from my cage

.........MOM.........
You showed me no love
Embedding rejection
I'm not good enough the reflection

..........UNCLE JOHNNIE.........
You showed me lifes darkside
A childhood lost, innocense taken
My whole life its cost

..........AUNT MARY..........
You showed me secrets are priority
A childs words unimportant to you
Allowing the sickness to spread
Childrens souls dead

..........YOU THREE..........
Showed me exhausting frustration
Years of depression
And through it all, I showed you

................................I SURVIVED..........


For u Dr. Phil, I got real.....my three

FULL CIRCLE

I pray in my lifetime, the worlds eyes see
Memories my mother stole from me
Hypnotized, easier to abuse me, hatred instilled inside
My memoeries open, no longer do they hide
To the surface they have come
MAYBE MY STORY CAN SAVE SOME


The victim of child abuse, in a time when heads turned
Grown now, the time new, finally they've learned
Silent cries, a mothers lies, my life missing with her
I've come full circle, now my life stirs
No longer quiet, I remember the hell
MY VOICE NOT HUSHED, I'M TELLING THE TALE


........................I broke the silent cycle
................................I did not fail...............................

DREAMS

My Dreams....
....Real
They came in the night
When my eyes see no light
To take my mind
Memories
To steal my life
Crying out to no ones ears
Opening all my fears
Erasing.....Confusing
My Dreams....
....Real
They came in the light
When my eyes see no dark
To abuse my innerself
Memories
To steal my life
Screaming "GOD SAVE ME"
They're seeing my tears
Wanting.....Needing

My Dreams....
....Real
.....Nightmares Still
My Dreams....
....Real
I Live Still
Stephanie

The Clown Without Makeup

Everyone pretends around me.
I know they all listen and see.
Can't tell who loves me.
I remember what use to be.
The voices are people I know.
Not in my head, they don't go.
Everyone has fun with the clown show.
Watching my tears flow.
Everyone places their bet. Will I miss the net?
I'm the clown game, on your internet.
On your mark get set.
ALWAYS, the games not over yet......

THE CLOWN,

ALWAYS

The Clown Without Make up